A History of My Lives with Wives

• The sweet and endearing Muffinface was my first true-love, and we married quite young. 12 years old, actually. I'd like to think that if she hadn't entered that rap battle with Lil Pork that she might still be alive today. Sadly, no 12 year old can take that many ill rhymes and live.
• When I was 19 I finally met someone that I felt I could love, again. Her name was Razor Girl. Yes, she was a super villain. But I often felt that super villains are very misunderstood in our culture. Much like a child or a adulterous state senator, villains are only acting out for attention. They need love, just like you or me. I think Razor Girl was able to see that I wanted to offer her the love she needed, and thats why we hit it off so well. I'd make her spaghetti dinners and take her to the library to read arts and crafts books. She'd take me to Dr. Battleaxe's Antarctic Stronghold and let me use her Razor Beam. But, the life of a super villain is a tough one. The Heroes of Goodness cornered her during a botched robbery attempt, and she was killed by The Spear. Of course, this caused me to go temporarily insane and I became a vengeful villain myself. As Death Machine, I raged through the city, looking for the heroes that had taken the life of the one I love. But when I finally had The Spear in a position where I could kill him, he talked me down. He asked me to reconsider and to think about his position as a hero and the people that depended on him. I relented and gave up my alter-ego. I still hold out hope that eventually Razor Girl will come back to me. Maybe in issue #200?
• Blobina was kind of a strange wife in that she might not have been a girl at all. Or a boy, for that matter. Blobina was an overgrown amoeba. Mind you, a very sexy amoeba. The marriage was short lived though, as she later split into our twin children. And they later split into our grandchildren. And so on and so on. I probably have 1.52 million great great great great great great great great great (and so on and so on) grandchildren. Christmas shopping is such a pain.
• I was briefly married to a clone of myself wearing a blonde wig. It was awkward and we split soon after. My clone is currently filming a documentary about competitive cake frosting.