National Computer Crisis

Everybody knows that I'm not that good with computers. My mom knows it, my boss knows it, Edward Norton knows it. Everybody. So how I got asked by the United States Government to operate the National Master Computer, I'll never know.

The National Master Computer(NMC), for those of you who don't know, is the Government's giant super-computer that controls all computers in the United States. The Internet, USBs, CDs, RAM, XIOWKVs, they're all controlled by this computer. You probably didn't realize this, did you? I didn't either.

So it's my first day at the job and I sit down at the giant NMC with my cup of coffee and a donut. I log in and stare at all the ridiculous charts and graphs on the screen. The computer is telling me everything from how many people are on Facebook right now to the number of actual woman paticipating in a sex chat room. I'm overwhelmed, and I quickly decide that I need to play a game of Sudoku to calm myself down.

"Computer," I say, "load up Sudoku for me."

Sudoku appears on the screen. But somethings not right. I realize that what I'm seeing is every game of Sudoku being played in America right now. I laugh maniacly and start messing with the games, swapping numbers around and such.

"Man, this job is great, I say."

I sit around for a few minutes, staring at the computer, occasionally tapping a button or playing with a random chart, just to see what happens. I begin to realize that I'm not even sure what my job actually entails.

"I'll Google it."

Information was sparse, but I settled on a site that seemed to have some of the answers I was looking for.

Nope. Instead I got slammed with pop-up ads and viruses. And, wouldn't you know it, the National Master Computer doesn't have any anti-viral software.

So I ask you now, what happens when the National Master Computer crashes?

Seriously...does anyone know? Because this just happened and I'm afraid my boss is going to kill me.