The Hunger

I was a little hungry. And by "a little hungry" I mean that I was so hungry that I bit off the bottom corner of my flatscreen monitor. That was a big mistake. See, I guess I have always been a little naive about how computers work. I thought it was all electrical shit with wires and what-have-you. But there's more to it than that. Upon biting open the corner of my monitor, the contents of my computer poured out onto my desk.

It started with word documents. Easy enough to clean up, I guess. But then my music collection was pouring out too. The Flaming Lips, My Morning Jacket...Spoon, they were suddenly emerging from my monitor and repelling off the top of my desk and were cascading onto the floor. Confused band members were walking around, scratching their heads. Some were tangled in stray excel documents, their limbs caught in confusing charts and graphs.

My desk had already collapsed from the weight of the monitor's contents by the time that the internet began to pour out. Thats when things really got messy. Cute cats, doing silly things, were mingling with poorly drawn webcomic characters. There were pop-up ads covering my walls. There were naked girls playing slot machines. I think Chuck Norris was there, somewhere.

Soon, the entire floor could no longer withstand the weight of my monitors' refuse, and I fell the floor beginning to drop. Everything was falling now. It was a spectacular display of insanity as falling emoticons collided with falling tweets and blogs. Above me, I could see my monitor, spinning as it fell, still shooting out Rolex watches and viagra prescriptions.

When I hit the ground, and as I was buried under the weight of the entire internet, I realized I was still hungry. And that if I was going to live, I was going to have to eat.

I had to eat my way through the internet.